her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
