my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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