I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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