Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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