Soap is not a condiment
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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