I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
