Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
