he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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