how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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