I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
