Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is the high leading the old right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
