When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
