we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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