tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
