I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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