Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
