apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
