So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
