dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
