I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
