Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
