At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
