I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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