I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
