Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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