i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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