So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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