dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
