you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
