I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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