I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
