I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
