when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
