Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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