I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
