You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Randomize
