the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
