Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
