he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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