Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
