i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
