I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
