Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
