My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
