i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
