Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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