This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
