This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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