The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
