She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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