There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
