he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
