Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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