Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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